They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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