Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
