I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
