I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
