We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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