i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
