You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
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I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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