So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
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