What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
This toilet bowl is my home.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
