I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
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