K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
