i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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