you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize