Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
