Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The uberlube is also flammable
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
