Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
