What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
