seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
