you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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