It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
