I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
