don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
