There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
