It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
