apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
