return my video game
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
