I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
