Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
