Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
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