so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
