Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
