Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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