With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
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What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
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It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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