So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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