And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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