im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
