Is it because I queefed?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
