did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
