How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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