Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize