So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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