we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
