You made me cry and you don't even care
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
