new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
