why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
