where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
