yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
