Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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