Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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