You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
