i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Can you bring me the toilet please
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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