I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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