DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
