I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
