If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
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Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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