i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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