so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I supernannyed him into submission
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
