We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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