tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
