i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
