oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
