I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
whose ass print is on the piano?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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