I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
All the doctor said was why
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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