just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
