I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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