i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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