She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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