Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
