after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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