New invention idea: vibrating tampons
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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