She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
