This girl is more easily done than said...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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