you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
