my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
