do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
