Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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