can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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