I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well I just put wine in my tea
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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