If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
