covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
