Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
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You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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