I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom said you looked used
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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