my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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